expound: how do you want to lose?

lessons from the u.s. open

“expound” is my series where I explore something I have been thinking about, or an essay, or just something I want to *expound* on.

A fun fact about me is that I love tennis. Watching the Grand Slams every year is a highlight. There are always great stories that come out of it- from the underdogs to women coming back to the game after giving birth, the upsets- it has it all.

Even if you aren’t a tennis fan, stick with me.

One of the great stories this year was Chris Eubanks. He rose to tennis lore during Wimbledon by advancing to the quarterfinals as a virtually unknown player at the age of 27 (currently world number 1 just turned 20 for reference).

You can read about his story more HERE, but this post isn’t about that.

It’s about something he said during the U.S. Open.

While Eubanks didn’t make it that far in the U.S. Open, he did get to commentate. He was commentating before he made his Wimbledon run and they let him in the booth post his loss. During a match (I don’t remember which one), he said something that has stuck with me.

*not an exact quote because you know, memory*

“He [the player] has to choose how he wants to lose. Does he want to go to bed tonight knowing he lost by playing aggressively, or does he want to go to bed knowing he lost by being patient?”

Whew. It was the focus on losing that got me. It was the focus on going into something being with peace with its ending alongside what you chose. So many times in life I really want to win. I want to know what I’m doing, be successful and be competent. It plagues me at night thinking about the times that I didn’t do well or messed up. I strategize and think about what to do differently next time.

This mindset, though is different.

It’s knowing that I did my best how I CHOSE to do it. It’s being at peace with not only losing but how I decided to lose. I’ve thought about this a lot since that Labor Day Weekend. I find myself thinking things like:

“If I try it this way, I’ll be happy.”

“Maybe this won’t work, but maybe it will.”

“Even if I’m wrong, I’m okay saying this.”

By choosing to focus on the way that I am okay with losing, I find myself being braver, more assured, and less worried about outcomes. In most situations, I am willing to lose knowing that I tried, that I gave something more focus and effort, or that I did something new.

We live in a world of endless choices. We live in a world of endless possibilities. In some ways, that’s incredible; in others, it’s overwhelming. It feels like there is always something- something to decide, something to say, something to say yes to, something to say no to.

But instead of being paralyzed by indecision, I’m going to be confident in what I choose because I’ve thought of the other side of my choice. And if what I didn’t choose happens, I will be okay too.