on choosing myself

unfortunately, this is about wellness

If you follow me on Instagram, you might remember that I took my 28th year to focus on myself. I had a couple of long-term obligations that wrapped up and it felt like the right time to focus on what I needed. I did a decent job, but that year set me up for 2023 to be a year where I focused on my inputs more than my outputs.

I am an externally motivated person. This isn’t to say that I don’t have internal drive or ethics, but it means that people acknowledging my work, drive, production, etc mean more to me than the average person. But now I am in a role where there isn’t a ton of opportunity for praise, and truly, I’m okay with it because the job is so flexible that it has given me time to take care of myself

I haven’t talked about this publicly (I mentioned it in my 2023 wrap-up), and still don’t know if I want to, but I do so in hopes of encouraging someone else. In June, I started working with a personal trainer. But rewind before that, I went to physical therapy.

In February 2023, Connor and I went to Birmingham for the NCAA basketball tournament, and on the way home I brought up to him something I had been thinking about for a while- I need to start investing in my body and health. I’ve dealt with various body issues and pains and aches since middle school. Unfortunately, the only thing that’s ever helped is adding muscle. I tend to overthink my body, my weight, and all that is attached to it. So for years, I’ve avoided it. I pushed down all my thoughts and told myself it would be okay. Which didn’t help the problem. So in March, I started with an incredible physical therapist.

The first day she told me, “Wow, you have no functional strength.” Cool to hear at 28 years old. But she said it’s okay, it’s fixable. And after three months of appointments and at-home exercises, I felt a lot better. Once I “graduated,” I reached out to a friend of ours who is a personal trainer and asked him if he had any openings. Luckily he did and I started with him a few weeks later.

I can honestly say it’s been one of the best choices I’ve ever made. Have I lost some weight? Sure. But that is not my focus. I feel so much stronger. My knees don’t hurt when I get out of bed. I feel capable.

Let me caveat all of this too: being able to go to a personal trainer is an immense privilege. First, because of the cost. It’s not the most affordable option. Secondly, the time. My job is pretty flexible so on the days I go, I am using my lunch break. Lastly, I know that even though I have dealt with pain, I do not have a limiting disability. The fact that I can heal is something I know not everyone can.

It’s been eight months of prioritizing myself this way. It’s been challenging, fun, and I am constantly sore. Like..most days of the week I cannot lift my arms or walk normally. It has been worth every dollar and every sore day to feel more capable in my body.

This isn’t a push to work out more, start with a personal trainer, or lose weight. It’s an encouragement to pursue that small voice in your head that’s been telling you to do something. It’s a call to do something for yourself that brings lasting change. It’s a reminder that putting yourself first isn’t selfish, it’s how you thrive.